I like to pretend I don’t need affection but let’s be real here please come make out with me
one time like wayy before I was born it was christmas and my grandma looked in her backyard where her pear tree was. She noticed a partridge had landed in it. A literal partridge landed in her pear tree. On christmas she had a partridge in her pear tree. So she did the logical thing and shot it and ate it merry christmas everyone
she dun put a cartridge in that partridge
The deadly banana peel claims another victim.
WHERE DID THE CAT EVEN GO OMG?
Paranormal Activity: CATS
Don’t you mean cativity
so i called the nearby starbucks to see if they were open because my dad wasn’t sure and wanted me to ask so i asked them in gollum’s voice “HELLO IS PRECIOUS OPEN TODAY?”
and the guy on the other line replied with “YES PRECIOUS IS OPEN TODAY UNTIL 3 MY PRECIOUS YESSSSSSSS”
I FUCKING FLIPPED OUT AND I WAS LAUGHING AND SOBBING
AND THE GUY ON THE OTHER LINE ASKED “IS PRECIOUS OKAY”
if you put “man” at the end of any sentence its AUTOMATICALLY platonic
"i love you, man."
"stay with me forever, man."
"fuck me hard in the ass, man."
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is tesco feeling ok
DO IT FOR THE VINE. Please save my grape vines I am a farmer and this my only income.
my follower count is my birth year
did you know jesus personally?
So I want to help calm people down and stuff, so here’s a bird appreciation post.
Look how colorful this one is
This one is so pretty
LOOK HOW BLUE THIS ONE IS
THIS ONE IS SO FAT
Emus are so weird I love them
Kiwi birds are adorable
This one looks angry
Majestic as fuck
The lack of potoo made me sad, so here:
I was going through this new book of short stories I bought and reached this one
I wondered what it could possibly be about
I DIDN’T EXPECT IT TO BE LITERAL